Mario Kart Madness
by Jimmy Dean 4 the Beans
Summary: My version of Mario Kart Wii. The main characters must race evil versions of themselves in order to save Mushroom Kingdom. Can a drug addict, pervert, homicidal maniac, and video game junkie, to name a few, save Mushroom Kingdom? Rated M for violence, language, and drug use. Better than it sounds.


Two Years After The Events Of Super Mario Galaxy...

Mushroom Kingdom

Toad was milling around the palace, looking for someone to annoy. As luck would have it, he ran into Rosalina. "Yo, baby. You want to go on a date to McToadstool's tonight?" "Go screw yourself, you little prick. I'm NOT having sex with you, so stop asking." she said, lighting up a joint and taking a couple of puffs.

Toad gave her a disturbing rape face, and left to go harass Daisy.

Meanwhile, Yoshi was stewing in a dark corner. How come fucking Mario got to always save(and subsequently bang) the princess, while he was invisible in the background, used only as a fucking steed? It wasn't fair.

Meanwhile, Peach was preparing to snap on Bowser Jr. "Hey, Mom, Dad told me he impregnated you, you got 'saved' by Mario, you gave birth to me in secret and sent me back to Dad in a box. Is that true?" "Yep" she snarled. "Tell you what, 'Son'. Let's play a game." "Goody! What's the game?" "Punt the Runt!" She yelled, kicking him with surprising force from someone so thin and pretty. He sailed out an open window and fell two stories onto the pavement.

Meanwhile, Bowser was playing Bioshock 2. "Auuugghh! Fucking bitch Big Sister! Killed me what, six times now?" Koopa shook his head and held up seven fingers. "Damn! I don't have to put up with this shit! Thanks, Obama!" he loaded up Lego Star Wars. Koopa rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Chancellor Toadstool busted out of the Royal Chambers. "Summon Mario And Co. immediately! This concerns all of them."

Ten minutes later, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Toad, Rosalina, Bowser, Bowser Jr., Koopa, Yoshi, and Donkey Kong were all standing outside the Royal Chambers, waiting for Toadstool to give them the news. "Well, we're all screwed." Toadstool said, looking grim. Evil parodies of yourselves have challenged you all to a series of races. You will start tomorrow. Your cars are also parked in the garage." They all nearly trampled each other getting to the garage. Bowser jumped into a large car with spiked wheels labeled 'Offroader'. Rosalina jumped onto a bike labeled 'Shooting Star.'. Mario got into the 'Classic Dragster'. Peach chose 'Mach Bike', DK the 'Phantom', Toad the 'Blue Falcon', Koopa the 'Bullet Bike', Bowser Jr. the 'Super Blooper', Daisy the 'Daytripper', and Yoshi the 'Zip Zip'.

The Next Day...

Before the race, Rosalina had laced her fuel with cocaine, and taken a few shots herself.

Yoshi shat an egg and broke it, and inside was his automatic DH23 handgun, plus a few extra mags. Yoshi had eaten them before the race to fool security, and then planned to use them in the race.

As they all walked out on to the track, they saw their opponents immediately. They were baby versions of Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Daisy. Also, there was Toadette, Birdo, Koopa Kid, Funky Kong, King Boo, Dry Bones, and Dry Bowser. As they got into their cars or onto their bikes, they all did something to get ready. Bowser revved the engine on his car. Bowser Jr. Cracked his knuckles. Toad beeped the horn. Yoshi stuck the gun into the side holster he had added last night. Of them all, Rosalina was the most elaborate. She put on some sports shades, stuck a joint into the corner of her smirking mouth, lit it, and gunned her bike's motor. This was Luigi Circuit, the shortest of the racetracks. From the start, Rose-with her cocaine-infused fuel-was in the lead by a large margin. Until about halfway through the second lap, that was. A blue shell flew right over her head and exploded. Baby Mario immediately zipped past giggling madly. Rosalina pushed up her now-cracked shades, lit another joint, and was after him. As she drew level with him, she socked him in the face, causing him to spin out and start crying. Rose laughed maniacally and drove off.

Elsewhere, Yoshi got muscled out of the way by Funky Kong, who stuck out his tongue at him. Yoshi saw red and reached for his gun. He immediately emptied the 12-round clip into Funky Kong's fuel tanks, causing the car to explode.

Meanwhile, Rosalina was still in first and about to cross the finish line, when she threw a banana peel behind her, causing Dry Bones' car to spin out, slam into the wall, and explode. "Damn!" she said.

As they were heading home from the race, Rose hefting the gold, they all agreed that the races were awesome and that they couldn't wait for the next one.


End file.
